Caring for the CAREGIVER

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My Caregiver - My Angel !

My sister’s words echoed in my ears, “Sometimes I feel I did not do enough for you during your cancer treatment.  I should have been with you during all your chemos.”   I had tried my best to convince her that she had done more than anyone else in her shoes could.  Being by my side, talking to me off and on, taking me for outings and not being bothered of my looks during chemo, was more than I could have asked for.

Over the years I have come across many cancer patients, as well as met many relatives of cancer patients.  The person who looks after a cancer patient is known as the Caregiver.   Usually in Developed Countries a caregiver is appointed by the hospital, whereas India lags far behind in such care.  But we Indians are still blessed with lots of relatives and friends, who come forward to extend support during the hour of need.  Thus there may be many members in a family playing the vital role of a caregiver.   I too was blessed with a loving family and plenty of friends as caregivers.  Now I also realize that my sister is not the only one facing such guilt.  Many others too feel the same way, reason for which may be that they never got any counseling / training for this kind of work. 

Recently someone asked me, “Ma’am, how should I prepare myself to take care of my mother who has been diagnosed with cancer?”  I was impressed by the query!   I do hope this attitude is inculcated in all.  His question also reminded me of the struggle faced by my family during my cancer treatment though we were fortunate to have met Feroza on the very first day of my chemo.  She was our SOS and was ready to give her advice at any hour of need.

Cancer affects each member of the family differently, so it may not be improper to say that each and every member requires counseling to some extent.    When someone you love is being treated for Cancer and you feel responsible for your loved one, unknowingly you assume the role of a caregiver.  It always pays to be well prepared for the same.  It is good for a caregiver to understand that a cancer patient needs company, may have mood swings, is physically weak and wants to be surrounded by people all the time.  He/She may undergo pangs of depression so a listening ear is more than welcome.  The person going through the treatment is obviously in such a great shock that he simply does not visualize the emotional upheaval of people around him.   On the other hand, caregivers may also get so involved that they tend to neglect themselves and may show some physical or emotional changes as in:

• Fatigue (feeling tired)
• Weaker immune system (poor ability to fight off illness)
• Sleep problems
• Dry mouth / excess sweating
• Higher blood pressure
• Changes in appetite / upset stomach
• Headaches
• Anxiety, depression, or other mood changes
• Feeling guilty or worthless
• Feeling helpless or hopeless
• Not being able to enjoy things anymore (such as food, being with friends, sex)
• Suicidal thoughts
• Having trouble concentrating or feeling scatterbrained etc

Feroza had been less lucky herself but God sent for us.  She was in the hospital to take chemo for her recurrence of cancer.  She was not a counselor yet her instructions were of great help to us.  My sister Nita took good note of Feroza’s advice and was highly benefited in the long run.  Here are few things that she did:

      She made time for herself by taking help from others in running small errands.

      On days when I felt healthy enough, she would take me out shopping or for movies etc which gave her some relaxation as well.

      She did not cut down totally on her own activities

      She took stock of her feelings, maintaining high spirits all the time.

      She managed to reschedule her personal jobs according to the time needed for me.

      She took care of her own food along with mine.

      She continued her evening walks which gave her some space to be with her friends.

      At times both of us watched silly TV shows and laughed together.  It is said that ‘Keeping your sense of humor in trying times is a good coping skill ‘!   

      Her religious inclination also gave her a lot of positive strength to deal with the situation.    

I don’t know what I would have done without my sister’s support or for that matter without the support of my whole family and friends.  But it is also true that there is an Angel for each one of us behind the scenes.  We may not even know, until the time comes and the angel appears out of the blue.  In my case it was in the form of my lovely sister who took charge, directing me out of the dark tunnel slowly but steadily.    I guess the secret of being a good caregiver lies hidden in the words below:

“Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is a nobler art of leaving things undone …”                              ~ Lin Yutang

So here is a piece of advice to all Angels – Caregivers:  ‘Take charge of the situation and take good care of your loved one but in the process do not neglect your own self.  Listen to your body and act accordingly.  Do not run away from life and do not have any guilt.  Do your best for others as well as for yourself.  It is good to seek advice from counselor on do’s and don’ts for yourself.  It is also good to gain knowledge about the disease and its course of treatment from the concerned doctor.  This will remove your fear and help to be a smiling caregiver!’

"RACE to rein-in-cancer is there for any needy Cancer patients and their Caregivers 24 x 7.  Please do not hesitate to contact us!"